Fact Or Fiction: Excessive Force Always Has To Be Implemented In M/s Relationships

What is force?

By the definition found electronically, force has several ways to be defined, a few of them state it as a noun and a verb. The definitions include force as:

1. physical power or strength possessed by a living being: He used all his force in opening the window.

2. strength or power exerted upon an object; physical coercion; violence: to use force to open the window; to use force on a person.

3. strength; energy; power; intensity: a personality of great force. 

4. power to influence, affect, or control

5. Law. unlawful violence threatened or committed against persons or property.

There are many more definitions but these five caught my eye. Now how does force deal with this blog entry? Well, think about  the relationship a Master or Mistress has with his or her pet/slave/submissive. What comes to mind? The regal stance a Master has as he commands and waves a hand for his beloved pet to come to his side? Does the image of a Mistress screaming her bloody head off and throwing a tantrum because her pet could not read her thoughts on how he should stand come to mind? So many thoughts can come up for one when it comes to relationships between a Dom(me) and his/her submissive. However, what should never be told as truth is the use of excessive force or even violence to keep a pet/submissive/slave in line is always found in M/s relationships.

Myth: If force or excessive force is not used in a M/s relationship then it is not considered a "true" M/S relationship

Truth: This is total bullshit.

Sorry, for the language, but using force even to the point of excessive violence against a slave to correct a mistake is not what a M/s relationship should be viewed as. Yes, we have submissives who have a high tolerance for pain but do we really need to get to the point of scarring and bruising to get a point across? No. Yes, we have submissives who enjoy to be humiliated and told he or she is a 'naughty slave' but do we want them to believe they are worth nothing to anyone or that no one in the world deserves them but a person who goes from being a Master to being an abuser? No.

Yes, there are sadists and there are masochists but to whip and strike a submissive for a small infraction which could have been corrected with words and a light spanking blurs the line between what is acceptable and when the time to use a safeword.

Safeword?

Yes, a safeword because even in a M/s relationship, a safeword is implented and upheld to keep things from going too far i.e mental, physical, psychological, spiritual and emotional damage. When it gets to the point of a submissive needing counseling or entering into a mental facility because he or she went to the breaking point in a M/s relationship, the line has been crossed. M/s relationship can just as easily enter into an abusive relationship where there is the abuser and the abusee. M/s relationships just like any regular relationship is based on trust, commitment, respect and of course love. Why take someone under your wing if you do not care about them?  

If someone were to always use force on a slave to get him/her to do something, it simmers it down to really an abusive relationship with or without sex thrown into it. Hell, if I wanted to slap around someone to do something for me or to me, I might as well have roped in a lover and abuse the hell out of him/her. However, I do not. I have a lot more respect and class to know abuse will never get me anywhere but the Big House.

Now, a M/S relationship is one that is based on trust, commitment, respect and love. Here is how trust is considered in the contract between an owner and owned:

The person enslaving or giving themselves over to said owner are trusting this person will either:
a. Mold them to the specfications an owner wants in a healthy manner.
b. Use them as a slave can and should be used with their mind, body, and soul in the hands of someone who can easily crush them and harm them but should not.
c. Make sure he/she never regrets giving themselves over to said owner.

No one can ever force someone wholeheartedly into doing something he or she might not like. Instead, there is the pushing of limits and seeing where a slave can open their mind up to. Any and all submissives have the ability to step back, look towards their Master or Mistress and let them know he or she does not feel comfortable or trusts any certain exercise or command. Every submissive has a right to let themselves be heard. No submissive should ever feel as if he or she cannot speak up especially if it concerns their well-being. No submissive should ever feel he or she needs to keep quiet in order to escape a smack to the face or being thrown against a wall.  

I do not know everything about anything to do with the BDSM and M/s community. I have a good six and a half years in the community.  I see there are true Masters'/Mistress' around here but there are those that feel he/she can pick up the whip and crack it without consequences. In reality, those who think, once again, think using force against a slave are Masters'/Mistress' are really users/abusers. Those type of stereotypical Dom(me)'s mar the true nature of M/S and a slap to the face to the real ones.