Sex is Normal

Okay, so here I sit, eating my dinner and wondering why some people are so blind.

How are they blind? Well, perhaps blind is an incorrect word.  I think that the word that I'm looking for is narrow. Or self-serving.  So many people have no understanding of the differences of the definitions for 'fetish' and 'submissive' or fetish and 'dominant'.  They think that submission is one thing and that thing is ultimately self-serving.

Fetish - A sexual fixation on a concept, object, or body part. A person with a fetish feels a compulsive need to use the object in order to obtain sexual gratification, and cannot achieve pleasure without it. There is usually a psychological connection between the individual's fetish and important events in the past. Common fetishes - for feet, watching pornographic movies, for lacy underwear, certain smells etc.  Source: Definition of Fetish

A fetish is just…that. Just a fetish. It's a kink. Gets you hard or wet, it gets you off.  It is limited and entirely sexual, though there are nonsexual fetishes. I'm not talking about those.

Submission.

Mmm. Now that's a word that makes me smile. Fetish is great. I like that word but submission gives my entire body chills.

Submission is giving yourself to someone else, putting their wants and needs above your own in order to serve them.  Many people crave this, both online and offline. While online Dominance and submission are very common place, it isn't the same as real life submission.  I won't ever say it is. There's no way that it can be but for those of us who cannot have that in our real lives, it's the next best thing and can be fulfilling if you're true to yourself and your Dominant, or your submissive.  That, of course, depends on you and the position you're in.

A submissive person doesn't look at just the sexual aspects and implications, they look at the heart of the issue and at the many ways that they can please their Dominant, whether they call them Master or Sir, or whatever personalized name that is chosen in that relationship.

Submission is not entirely about sex. It is not just panting, sweating, whips and chains, spankings, and punishment.  Punishment for sexual gratification is a Fetish.  Punishment, true punishment is just that.  It isn't pleasant, it may hurt.  That hurt may be physical or it may be emotional.  It might be both.  But even online, you should feel a punishment in your heart. It should affect.  It is not something that is going to make you get off.  It's not enjoyable.  It's knowing that you have disappointed your Dominant, knowing that you did wrong and having your heart laid open, your sins exposed.  Just like when you were little and your mother/father/guardian told you to stay out of the dessert before dinner and your little bottom got reddened when she/he/they caught you with a cookie.

You knew that they were angry and it was more of a feeling of letting them down and being ashamed of that than it actually hurt your bottom.  It's more about knowing that you did wrong and you deserved what you got, the ache of their faces being cross. They never wanted to hurt you, they just had to teach you by discipline that you had to behave appropriately.  Your eyes probably stared at your feet or the floor and your heart ached in sorrow and after you were punished, the sin was washed away and you were forgiven and expected to have learned a lesson from it.  You knew that they still loved you.  That is what punishment is about and it's no different from a child feeling disciplined to an adult getting the same treatment.  The feeling is the same.

That's what punishment is.  Fetish doesn't come near that.  A true submissive knows that punishment is not something that you're going to cry out in ecstasy and beg for more of.  You might ask for more because you know that you deserve it, but it's not something that you're going to enjoy getting. If it was, it wouldn't be a punishment.

Another misconception that I see a lot is that submission means that, during sex, the submissive is going to just lay there and take it.  It usually pertains to men and women who want a woman or man to have their wicked way with their body.  That's a purely sexual fetish, perhaps not one that someone cannot cum without, but still a fetish nonetheless.

When you are submissive, it is your role to please your dominant, to do everything that he or she wishes for you to. To make them happy.  In return you get so much.

While roleplaying or with a person in 'fun time' who is saying that they're submissive, I expect to get a submissive.  When they're not a submissive and they just lay there and expect me to have my character or for my online persona to go ape shit crazy on their cock while they kick back and enjoy it, I get angry. I am not there to serve a submissive.  I'm there to dominate them.

It irritates me.  It's not about the submissive's pleasure, it's about the Dominant's pleasure first and foremost.  Then it's about the submissive, if the Dominant so chooses. Honestly, those who claim submissiveness and present me with a fetish…they get one of my own fetishes, orgasm control and denial.  If they happen to be partaking on their end and do release, that doesn't really affect me either way on this because if they are connected to their character or their online persona, part of them will be affected by being denied.  It's a small and very sweet revenge to get angry sentiments in return because it shows me that they do not understand the difference between fetish and true submission, and then I get to explain and they learn something.  Sometimes it broadens their horizons and gives them something to think about, sometimes it doesn't.  However, I know that I've done my part with allowing the blind a glimpse into something that can be very profound.

Another misconception, quite the opposite of the incorrect perception of submissive meaning 'have your way with me' is the also very common, and sometimes very dangerous, thought that being Dominant means 'have my way with you'.  It does not.  Dominance and submission can be described as a beautiful dance, each party giving and taking in tandem.  Dominance does not mean that the Dominant has the right to abuse, mistreat, or truly hurt his or her submissive.